The vivid memories that I do have must really have made an impact on me, for one reason or another. I can clearly remember the first time I was scolded in school. It was 5th grade, and we were cleaning the classroom at the end of the school year. My job was to straighten the library books. I wasn't quite sure what was expected of me, and I needed some clarification, so I called out for my teacher. "Mrs. Green?" No answer. "Mrs. Green? Mrs. Green?" Now, my teacher must have been pretty frazzled, and I'm sure she had a ton of report cards to finish, because she snapped. "I HEARD YOU, AMY! NOW WAIT UNTIL I'M READY TO ANSWER!" It took all the strength I could muster not to cry, and I don't think I was ever yelled at in school again after that.
The things that I remember most clearly are the events that conjured up an extreme emotion. The incident with Mrs. Green made me feel extremely ashamed. I have other memories of times that I was extremely happy, or extremely sad, or extremely nervous, or extremely embarrassed, etc... It's those smaller moments, the ones that didn't have quite the impact or importance, that aren't as forthcoming. It makes me sad, because although life has its fair share of bigger moments, I think it's the smaller ones that really define who you are. It's the smaller moments I want to remember most: picking blackberries with my grandmother at her cabin, climbing into my parents bed with my sisters when there was a thunderstorm.
There is so much I want to remember about Charlotte and Gavin at this age, but none of the things are momentous. The way Gavin presses his face against mine when I hold him over my shoulder, the noises he makes when he has to burp, how he curls his toes when I am feeding him. I want to remember how Charlotte squeaks when she is trying to wake up, how she turns her head up and to the left when she is sleeping, and how she lets her leg hang over the tub when I'm giving her a bath. I'm trying to be fully present with them, so I don't miss a moment. So when they are older and say, "Tell me about when I was little," I'll be able to describe some little detail about who they were, and why it meant so much to me.