Perspective

Every so often, I find myself getting all wrapped up in life's daily trials.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  When you step outside of yourself, and squint, and hold those worries at arms-length, you know they won't matter in the long run.  How Nathan is giving us terrible bedtime trouble.  How Gavin is currently obsessed with all manner of potty words.  How Charlotte is asserting her independence.  Fiercely.  When you're in the throes of all of these things, when Nathan is still screaming for you at 10 pm, and Gavin has said "butt" for the zillionth time, and Charlotte tells you she "wants another Mommy,"  all of these things feel SO important and SO meaningful and SO terrible.  And you find yourself getting cranky and upset, and if you're anything like me you throw some self-pity in too, just for good measure.

And then something happens, and just like that, none of it seems all that terrible anymore.

Recently, a number of my family and friends have experienced tragedies.  The kind that make you hug your own families a little closer.  And after my initial feelings of grief, and sadness, and shaking-my-head-with-the-unfairness-of-it-all, a new feeling sets in.  One that makes me feel so guilty for taking my good fortune for granted.

The good news is, I really am one of those people who tends to see the beauty in the details and in the story.  Even more so lately.  I am getting pretty good at recognizing a moment, and thinking to myself:  This is one I want to remember.  Like today, when the kids were singing along to Lady Gaga's Paparazzi, except that they think the title lyric is "Bubble Paci."  How hilarious to hear all three of them singing at the top of their lungs, "Bubble, Bubble Paci!"  And Gavin, that kid just slays me with how perceptive he is in determining other people's emotions.  He always seems to know how everyone else is feeling.  Charlotte's got incredible wit for a 4-year old, and great comedic timing...I think I may have a future Tina Fey on my hands.  And Nathan is all-out charisma.  I just can't wait for him to open his mouth so I can hear what he says next.

The lesson here is this, and it's not a new concept:  Decide to be happy.  Find the beauty in the details. Love this life you're living.  Hold me to it, will you?

hgfgffnc gv kxxz cccg  (That was from Nathan, who is still refusing to go to bed.  I'm finding the beauty in it.)

I Was a Great Mom Before I Had Kids!

Before I Had Kids: "Michael, can you believe we are sitting here, enjoying a meal at a restaurant, and there are kids over there playing their handheld gaming systems?  Seriously, parents need to teach their children how to behave in restaurants.  They should learn how to hold polite conversations, not bury their noses in video games."

After I Had Kids:  "Charlotte!  Gavin!  Nathan!  Mommy and Daddy want to go get some breakfast.  Where are your Mobigos?  Let's pack them.  Nathan, let's bring your Tag Reader!  Gav, should we bring your Superheroes?  Something to color?  How about the portable DVD player?  Mommy and Daddy want to eat in peace."



Before I Had Kids:  "Seriously.  Is it necessary to have a DVD player in your car?  Don't the kids watch enough TV at home?  That's what's wrong with America.  Kids should learn how to hold polite conversations, not be placated with yet another viewing of Shrek."

After I Had Kids:  "Kids, I know we're just going a mile down the road, but what would you rather watch?  The Wiggles, or Cars?  You'll only get to see the opening scene, but at least it's something!"



Before I Had Kids:  "My children will always eat balanced meals.  Fruits, veggies, and a whole grain at every sitting.  I mean, if I don't keep any junk in the house, then they can't eat it, right?"

After I Had Kids:  "Do you guys want Lucky Charms or Trix for breakfast?"


I have learned to eat some serious crow over the past few years!  It's so much more difficult than I thought it would be, but also so much more rewarding.

And how about you?  Have you changed your tune about any of your parenting edicts?

Shaking Off The Dust

The twins are now 3 1/2, if you can believe it.

In some respects, it feels like it has been for.ev.er since they were born; and in other respects, I can't believe how quickly it's gone.  I was only just getting the hang of parenting twins when we found out (unexpectedly) that I was pregnant with Nathan, and in the blink of an eye I was, quite suddenly, a mother to three children under the age of 2.  Add a full-time job into the mix and, well, you can imagine how the last few years have seemed a little foggy.

I don't know how to say it other than to say that I feel like I'm slowly waking up from a long nap.  Things seem brighter, and happier somehow.  I am enjoying spending time with my children, and laughing with them, rather than constantly changing them and feeding them and rocking them to sleep and worrying about whether or not I was giving them enough attention.  

And I don't think I'm the only one that is noticing.  The kids seem happier lately.  (And by happy I mean they are only screaming, crying, and fighting 75% of the time, instead of 90%).  Michael surprised me with flowers today...a token of affection that I haven't seen in years (not that he's not affectionate....but we have definitely felt too busy and overwhelmed for any romantic gestures).  And colleagues at work have been so complimentary lately, too. I can't tell you how happy this makes me, since three and a half years ago my post-partum depression was so bad that I felt I would never be happy again.

I know I still have many busy years ahead.  But I certainly appreciate how far I've (WE'VE) come.  :)

A New Era

How can it be that I haven't blogged for over a year? I'll tell you how; because of these guys:




Actually, beyond the trials and tribulations of dealing with the three little ones, our desktop computer went kaput about a year ago. We've been using my school laptop, which is a D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R. It literally takes about an hour to upload a photo. My mom has been kind enough to loan me her laptop for the evening, so I was able to check in on all the inactivity on my blog.

I really would like to try blogging in earnest again. No promises. But I am not good with taking photos, or videos (poor Nathan hasn't even been in ONE video yet!), or writing things in baby books, so I would love for this blog to serve as a record for the kids when they are a bit older.

Let's hope they can overlook all of the Mommy Meltdown Moments.

Parenting Theories

I certainly wouldn't say that Charlotte and Gavin are difficult children. But I also wouldn't say they are particularly easy, either. I only have my nephews for comparison, but I think Charlotte and Gavin have their good days and their bad. Nighttime and naptimes continue to be struggles, despite using the cry-it-out method, schedules, then no schedules, etc... They still have trouble amusing themselves on their own, too, so sometimes they can get pretty cranky. Inconsistent sleep habits might have something to do with the crankiness. But they eat well, and they seem generally happy, and they sleep well enough, mostly.

I spoke to some other mothers at my Twin Club meeting tonight. One has 3-month old twins, and the other 13-month olds. They made parenting twins sound like the simplest thing ever. "I swear, they were sleeping through the night since they came home. Sometimes I'm still laying in bed at 10am thinking, shouldn't they be up by now?" said the mother of the 3-month olds. The other mother agreed that sometimes she has to wake her children up in the morning because they sleep so late. And then, of course, the children are just lovely for the remainder of the day. Are they serious? Do children like that exist?

I have a few theories on this:
1. They're lying. Lately I've been thinking that there are mothers out there who make everything out to be easier than it actually is. I'm not sure why they feel they have to do this. Do they think people will think less of them if they admit that parenting is hard? I'm sure this has something to do with societal views of women and mothers, but it makes my head hurt just to think about it, so I'm going to leave the theorizing to someone else.

2. My twins are really more difficult than I thought. Maybe everyone else's babies are average, and mine are crankier and more sleep-deprived than most.

3. Perhaps my twins are just as difficult/easy as theirs, but these other women can simply deal with it better than I can. I am very very Type-A, so when my kids are rubbing their eyes and tired, then they should be sleeping, dammit. And when they are not doing what I think they should be doing, I get all flustered. Maybe these other ladies are more flexible, and can roll with an unscheduled day better than I.

I have a feeling the answer lies somewhere between Theory 1 and 3. They may be glossing over things a little, but may also be a bit more laidback. It doesn't matter--I still wanted to wring their necks.