Yes, I'm Aware of the Whole "Back To Sleep" Campaign

I have been blessed with a 5-week old insomniac. I haven't read a whole lot about newborns, but I've read enough to know that they're supposed to sleep. A lot. Apparently Nathan hasn't read a whole lot about newborns either, because he is awake about as often as Charlotte and Gavin. This leaves me little time to get much of anything done. There are crumbs on my floor, laundry piling up in the hallway, and dishes that need to be put away. (Notice, however, that when I get a free moment I'm here, typing, instead of doing any of those nagging chores. This is not lost on my husband, who reminds me that I'm on the computer too much every time I complain about the house being a mess. I then remind him to shut up.)

I suspect that Nathan has reflux. Gavin had it as well, and Nathan makes all of the same grunting and groaning noises that Gavin did. I think Nathan wants to sleep (his eyes get all red and puffy, and he fusses) but he just doesn't seem to know how to get himself there. Either that, or he's so uncomfortable that he CAN'T sleep.

I've tried swaddling him with his hands up. I've tried swaddling him with his arms down. I've tried rocking. I've tried shushing. I've tried singing. I've tried swinging. I've tried letting him sleep in his carseat. I've tried letting him sleep in his bouncy seat. Nothing seems to be making a significant difference. So I'm about to let you in on a secret. The other day, I actually let him sleep on his belly. Now, before you go calling Children and Youth, you should know that he was supervised. It was during the day on the couch, and I was with him the whole time. But he actually slept for hours! That's hours longer than he usually sleeps!

So fess up, mothers. What's your take on belly sleeping? I know some mothers (who wish to remain anonymous) who have said they did this all the time. My defense is that I have a monitor that comes with a sensor pad. I bought in when the twins were in the NICU and had occasional bouts of apnea. You put the sensor pad under the crib mattress, and if the child stops breathing, alarms go off. Michael and I didn't actually believe it would work, but it does...amazingly well. We "tested" it all the time. So if I put Nathan on his belly once in a while, I feel somewhat reassured that I have the sensor pad.

Anyone else willing to admit that they allow belly-sleeping? Or tell me that I'm crazy and should be reported

We're Here Again?

So how come nobody told me that I'd have to do cry-it-out more than once?

Charlotte and Gavin have been putting themselves to sleep for a long time now. We get a bath, we read a book, we sing a few songs, and then they go to sleep! Done! But for the past four nights the babies have been screaming at bedtime. They stand up in their cribs and howl until they can't catch their breath. Gavin has gone so far as to hurl his pacifier across the room in frustration. What gives?

The first night of this, I ignored them, mainly because I had to go grocery shopping. It took them about a half and hour to quiet down that night, according to Michael (so I'm automatically tacking on an additional 15 minutes to his estimate). The past few nights, I've been caving and going up to rock them. That's because (a) when I rock them, they literally fall asleep within five minutes, and (b) they've had some major intestinal distress* over the past 2 weeks, and I don't know if they're doing this because they don't feel well or what. They are literally pooping about 8 times a day, each. Is that TMI? To complicate matters, Charlotte just cut her third tooth.

I've read that sometimes babies go through these phases where their sleep is disrupted for a while. I'm just not sure if I'm setting a precedent by going in and rocking them. Perhaps I should let them cry it out again? I hate this part of parenting!

*That's a whole other topic. I've been giving them rice, bread, bananas, applesauce, white grape juice, and anti-diarrheal formula....anything to stop the constant flow of poop! Nothing is working!

Catch-All Post

Wow, it's been a heck of a long time since I blogged. A lot has been going on lately.

I'll give you the general idea:
Last weekend, several of my friends from college and I got together for a girls' weekend. It was heavenly. The company was fantastic, the food was delicious, the conversation was wonderful, and the relaxation was just what the doctor ordered. We went to a spa on Saturday, and I treated myself to a facial and a massage. (Actually, Michael treated me, as a Valentine's Day gift.) As one of my girlfriends noted, the weekend was effortless. Hanging out with them is easy, easy, easy, and even though I hadn't seen some of them in years, it was like no time had passed at all. Those are the best kinds of friends.

The babies' naps are getting slightly longer, thanks to an earlier bedtime and strict adherence to the clock. We were at a half-hour max, and now I might get an hour in there a couple times a week. Naptimes are at 9am and 1pm sharp. If they skimp on the later nap, which they usually do, it's an earlier bedtime to make up for it...usually around 6:15pm. Believe it or not, the naps are beginning to lengthen, knock on wood, so we'll see where this goes. If it works, I owe it all to Dr. Weissbluth.

We toured The Malvern School the other day, and liked it. My nephew goes there and seems to really enjoy it, or at least he isn't totally unhappy. I just about cry at the thought of handing my babies over to someone else for most of the day, but I don't really have another option. They will be with my mom for two days a week, and the environment at The Malvern School seems very nurturing and positive. I know they'll do well there, and I'm thankful I've been able to spend so much time home with them. The next six months are going to fly by...

I'm co-teaching a few workshops for the Pennsylvania Writing and Literacy Project (PAWLP) in April and June. I'm excited about it, and ready to start thinking like a teacher again instead of just a mommy. I became a Fellow of the Literacy Institute in 2004, and I'm seriously considering becoming a writing Fellow this summer. More on that later.

In other baby news, the babies have a new favorite game that I like to call "You're Playing With That Toy? I Want That Toy." As you can imagine, it consists of taking toys out of each other's hands and making each other cry. Oddly enough, their favorite toys are the tubes of Boudreaux's Butt Paste and the wipes containers.

I am really into American Idol this season. My early favorite is Michael....older guy, sang Bohemian Rhapsody. (I find him impossibly sexy...but then again, I find Prince sexy, so you may think my radar is a bit off...)

Because we are such romantics (cough, cough), the husband and I made spinach-and-feta stuffed salmon and mashed potatoes for Valentine's Day. For dessert we had pound cake, strawberries, and marshmallows dipped in chocolate fondue. And when I say the husband and I made it, I really mean I made it while he watched Entertainment Tonight.

I think that's about it. Now you're all caught up!

Update on The Sleeping Situation, Even Though I May Be the Only One Who Cares

Alternate Blog Title: Kid For Sale! (Good Lord, I hope you know I'm kidding.)

Charlotte is over the little hissy-fits-at-bedtime thing. She's back to her normal, pleasant self, and can put herself to sleep largely unassisted.

Gavin, my dear Gavin....he has been another story from the start. This kid can't seem to stick to one pattern or schedule to save his life. For a while, back in October, he was waking once a night, usually at 5am, and just wanted to be held and talked to, and he'd nod back off until about 7am. These days, I never know when he's going to get up, but I can guarantee it's going to be many times a night. And he WILL NOT go back to sleep unless I intervene. Believe me, I've tried the whole ignoring thing. It keeps Charlotte awake, so I'm considering moving his crib to a different room, but that would require disassembling the entire thing. I'm thinking about putting him in the Pack and Play in my room for a few nights to see if we can't get this thing straightened out.

I'm at a loss. Between that and the whole my-babies-don't-nap thing, Michael and I have had some very unpleasant evenings lately.

Don't Read This if You're Anti-CIO

I've always been a proponent of putting the babies down "sleepy, but awake." And for the most part, we've avoided CIO. (That's cry-it-out, Kelly!) But lately, Charlotte has been throwing little hissy fits at bedtime. Tonight she even started crying before I put her in the crib, during our rocking/story/singing. She may just be overtired, because as I've mentioned before, my babies don't nap. I guess she could be getting a tooth, because she has none and Gavin has four, but I've been blaming everything on teething lately, and her gums still feel flat as ever. I think what's going on is that she just realized: Hey. I kind of like this lady. I like when she's kissing me, and tickling me, and telling me how cute I am. I don't want to be alone in my crib, in the dark. Get me out of here!

But the thing is, even when I give in and rock her, she still screams and cries and arches her back. Tonight she even flailed and clawed at my eye. I look like I got in a minor scuffle. So when the options are: (1) Charlotte screams alone in her crib, or (2) Charlotte screams in my arms and nearly blinds me, well then-I'm going to choose the first option.

Has anyone else had this happen? When their baby originally was going to sleep on his own, and then decided to cry at bedtime? What do I do?

More of the Same....

Babies up at 5am. Mommy tired. Nothing even remotely witty to say today.

I'll leave you with a photo of the babies on Thanksgiving:

And another:

And one of Gavin, mid-fall: (What a good Mom Mom, right there to catch him...)

more sleep blogging

You are probably all so sick of hearing me gripe and complain about the twins' sleeping situation, so if you've had enough, go read someone else's blog today. I'll recommend Jane over at Baby Squared.

I know I'll catch heat for saying this, but Gavin is a Momma's Boy. He's happiest when I'm holding him and kissing him and generally just loving him up. Which is nice. Most of the time. But not at 4 am.

I'm lucky in that my babies go to sleep at around 7 pm with little intervention on my part. Charlotte, as I may have already mentioned, will usually sleep through until about 7 am, barring any stuffy noses or messy diapers. And Gavin wants to sleep until 7 am, I'm sure of it. (Perhaps it's a bit of wishful thinking on my part, because I want to sleep until 10 am, er, 7am, but I really do think he needs that sleep). For the past few weeks he's been forcing himself to wake up early just so I'll come in, pick him up, and snuggle/rock him back to sleep. He chatters and grumbles and whines (but never really cries) until I come in and pick him up. This goes on for HOURS. This morning, he started chattering around 4am, stopped for about a half hour, and then continued until I finally went and got him at about 6:15 am. I know, I should have just kept him awake at that point, but as soon as I picked him up, he laid his head on my shoulder and went right to sleep. So I did what was probably the worst possible thing I could do: I brought him into bed with me and let him sleep until 7am when Charlotte woke up.

Dr. Weissbluth claims that if I ignore Gavin for a few nights, he'll stop. As I see it, there are two problems with this approach: (1) I've tried ignoring him for several nights. Not only has he not stopped, but now he is waking up even earlier. And he doesn't go back to sleep. Honestly, the kid will chatter and whine for hours. (2) Charlotte and Gavin share a room. It isn't fair to her to have Gavin keeping her awake. For the most part, she seems to sleep through it, or at the very least she doesn't cry. I can just picture her in her crib, wide awake, a look of total annoyance on her face as she rolls her eyes in Gavin's direction, thinking, "I need my beauty sleep, for Pete's Sake!"

I think we might have to stick Gavin in the pack-and-play in another room for the time being, turn off the monitor (can I admit that?), and just let him chatter and whine for as long as it takes. If he was hungry or something, that would be one thing...but he just wants to cuddle! Am I being mean?

Pssstt...

It's 9:51 am. The babies went down for a nap at 9:10 am. That means they've been sleeping for (pause while I count on my fingers...) 41 minutes. That's 11 minutes longer than their longest nap in the past few weeks. Whoopie! Maybe this sleep training is starting to pay off!

By the way, I realize all my posts lately have been about sleep. But honestly, that's all I've been thinking about lately. Yesterday I was so tired, I:

(1) poured hot chocolate mix into my bowl of cereal
(2) attempted to stick a pacifier into Michael's mouth instead of Charlotte's
(3) ate half of an enchilada, the whole while thinking, "Wow, this tastes weird," before I realized there was BEEF in it! I've been a vegetarian for five years, and still it took me several bites to figure out what was different about that enchilada. The upside is that I realize I don't miss beef. At all.

A Full Night's Sleep, Kinda.

Oh, Sweet Jesus, the babies slept from 7:30 pm until 6:45 am last night. Now, before you get all excited, I said the babies slept. Not the mommy slept. I was up every two hours or so, tiptoeing in, wondering why no one was crying. Michael got up for work early this morning, around 4:30 am, and doesn't feel the need to even attempt to be quiet while getting ready. So unfortunately, I did not get the 8 hours of sleep that I've been waiting for for eight months now. But now I know it's possible, and it will happen one day when the stars all align and the babies don't have colds and my cats aren't wrestling outside of my bedroom door and Michael takes a quiet shower and Gavin manages to keep his pacifier in his mouth for the entire night. Fingers crossed.

Science Project

Gavin's got some upper-respiratory bug. He's been pretty sick: coughing, runny nose, wheezing, the works. He's been up during the night since he's having a tough time breathing through that stuffy nose, so in turn, I've been up a lot during the night. He's on an antibiotic and nebulizer treatments three times a day.

Our pediatrician warned me to keep him away from Charlotte, which I find amusing.

In a feeble attempt to keep the germs at bay, I've been sterilizing all of the bottles and pacifiers. When the babies first came home from the NICU, I was a sterilizing queen, but that habit has gotten lost in the shuffle of our day-to-day routine. They're lucky that the bottles even get washed by this point.

So yesterday morning, after yet another night of little sleep, I was sterilizing happily, when I noticed that the bottle brush was a little dingy, too. I decided to throw that into the sterilizer as well. After all, cleaning bottles with a dirty, germy bottle brush kind of defeats the purpose, right? It sounded good in theory, and then:



Hmmm...apparently metal gets really hot in the microwave.

Scheduling Conflict

So, I have achieved some semblance of a schedule with the babies. Our mornings operate like a well-oiled machine. They are up around 7:00, they play, eat oatmeal, take baths, nurse, and go down for a nap around 9:00am. The afternoon naps are still anybody's guess, but they have been slightly more predictable of late. The sleep training is also going quite well. On many occasions I can put the babies down awake and they go to sleep on their own. If they don't, it usually requires only minimal intervention on my part.

I am giving myself a mental pat-on-the-back as I type.

My only concern is this: What happens when very scheduled babies are suddenly taken off of their schedule? Sure, a schedule is great when you're at home, but we are heading to Disney World with my entire family in two weeks. There will be no rocking chairs, no cozy familiar cribs, no "schedule." I am afraid. Very afraid. Once, the babies were out at a restaurant past their bedtime, and they screamed inconsolably until I finally took them home. What am I going to do at the Hoop-De-Do Review (sp?), which will inevitably run past their bedtime? Any advice would be appreciated from my fellow Type A mommies.

Two is Enough!

Sometimes, when I have both babies downstairs with me, and I'm very tired, I swear I hear another baby crying in the house. And for a split-second, I think, "Well, I guess the other baby is awake. I should go get him/her."

That's when I close my eyes and thank my lucky stars that I have twins, not triplets.

Music for Babies and Mommies Alike

I just made an iTunes Mix for the babies. It didn't publish all of my songs (some weren't available on iTunes), but most are there. I have my iPod on almost constantly, and I needed a soundtrack for our bedtime routine! I hope this link will take you to it, if you're interested...

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=265216590

Sleep Deprivation

Here are some random items that I've pulled out of the washer lately. Apparently, I need to pay closer attention when doing the laundry.

-Charlotte's Robeez shoes
-barrettes of all sizes
-a used, wet diaper
-a pair of Gavin's new pants, with tags AND hanger still attached

You-Know-Who

I really have to stop reading Harry Potter before bed.

Last night I barely slept because I fighting Voldemort and looking for Horcruxes in my sleep.

It spills over into my daytime, too. Because I am so engrossed in the book, and I'm usually exhausted to boot, I sometimes really believe that I am able to perform magic. For a brief moment yesterday, I actually thought I could conjure up a sandwich without getting off the couch by simply uttering, "Accio sandwich!" (It's a Summoning Charm, for all you Muggles out there.) If only it were that easy.

There's Something To It....

I'm posting this cautiously, with my fingers crossed, because I don't want to jinx myself....

Over the last few days I've developed a little "naptime routine." This decision was made after a hellish day when Charlotte and Gavin went on a napping strike, and were so exhausted and cranky by the end of the day that their eyes were practically swollen shut.

Several times now, I have put Charlotte down COMPLETELY AWAKE, and, lo and behold, the precious child has put herself to sleep without so much as a peep. Not every time, but enough. Gavin's not quite there yet, but I see the potential.

Perhaps we will avoid "crying it out?" I hope so.

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

Anxiety runs in my family, to some degree. (Thanks, Nana G.) Fortunately, I am able to manage it pretty well during most daily activities (I think...my friends and family might argue otherwise). You'll see it running rampant in certain situations, though, like if I'm late for work or an appointment. I literally get hives. But for the most part, my anxiety level is usually low. Present, but low.

Except when I go to sleep.

When I sleep, all bets are off. My anxiety is completely unbridled and manifests itself in my dreams. Honestly, I must have 8-10 dreams a night, which I think is why I never feel completely rested. Ever. I have three anxiety-driven recurring dreams, and let me tell you, they are beauties. I wake up in a cold sweat every time.

The first is always some variation of the following scenario: I'm in high school or college and I have to get to class. Only I can't remember what class it is. It's the middle of the semester; surely I've been to this class before...but I have no recollection of the location of the room or the identity of the professor. I wind up wandering all around campus, searching for a schedule of my courses, and never make it to class.

The second is simple: My teeth fall out. I dream this one at least every other week, and always wake up frantically rubbing my finger along my gums to see if I still have teeth. Sometimes I lose one at time, sometimes they all fall out at once.

The third is that I need to get somewhere, usually work, but I'm hopelessly lost and can't get to where I need to be. I try to call someone for directions, but I keep misdialing the number. I'll almost have the number dialed until I get to the last digit, and then I hit the wrong button and have to start all over.

The other night I had all three dreams in a row. Didn't get much sleep that night.

I wonder what all of this means? Especially considering that, despite the fact that I have 4- month-old twins and other mundane stuff, my life is relatively stress-free at the moment? I think Freud would have a field day with me....

That's one way to do it...

Gavin slept from 11:00 pm until 4:45am last night. Unbelievable. The longest stretch of sleep I've had yet.

Granted, he did not nap at all yesterday, so he was most likely exhausted. I took the twins to visit my third graders yesterday. That was somewhat of a mistake on my part. As soon as my monstrous double-stroller rounded the corner, I had 38 grubby little hands reaching for the babies.

"They're so PUNY!"

"Which one's the girl?" (Um, the one with the barrette...)

"They look funny!"

"Do they have teeth yet?"

"Are you coming back to teach next year?"

The teacher in me soon took over. "Everyone take a giant step back!!!" I shouted. "I can answer your questions one at a time!" I could feel myself becoming warm and overwhelmed. The neonatal doctors warned us about taking the babies into crowds. It certainly doesn't get any more germ-y than a bunch of third graders. Believe me, I've taught third grade for six years...I've seen more fingers up noses than I care to mention.

Long story short, there was no way the babies were going to nap through all that commotion. And I've found that sleep begets sleep. If they don't take their nap early in the day, they fight sleep for the rest of the day and become intolerable in the evening hours. It took some doing, but I finally got both babies down by 11:00 pm.

The other reason I think he slept so well is because he was on the couch right next to me, resting in the crook of my arm. So even though Gavin slept soundly, I did not, as my elbow was bent at a 90 degree angle the entire time trying to keep him comfortable. My intention was only to stay on the couch until he fell asleep, and then move him upstairs to his crib...but since he never sleeps that soundly, I stayed put.

In either case, I doubt he (or I) will sleep for that length for quite a while, but it's made me reconsider this whole co-sleeping thing, at least for Gavin. Maybe I'll stick him in bed with me tonight and see what happens.

Thank you for all the comments about my friend Dr. Sears and his attachment parenting philosophy. It made me feel much better about my choices!

My 3am Prayer

My 3am prayer sounds like this. Ironically, it is also my 1am prayer, my 2am prayer, my 4am prayer.... You get the idea.

Dear God,
PLEASE let the babies sleep for a three-hour stretch. I really, really need some sleep. I hardly recognize myself when I look in the mirror anymore. I know you have a lot on your plate, what with the war and global warming and all, but it would sure help me out if you could make my babies sleep.

As I pray, I think about Marcia Cross. I think about how she is probably NOT reciting the same prayer. I think about how she is probably sleeping away while her nannies and night nurses tend to her twins. And I am jealous for just a moment.